Separation anxiety in toddlers – practical step-by-step plan

Here’s a practical step-by-step plan for easing toddler separation anxiety, broken down into

morning drop-offs, bedtime, and sudden separations.

1. Morning drop-offs (e.g., day care, preschool, grandparents)

   Goal: Build predictability and trust so your toddler feels safe even when you’re away.

   Step-by-step:

   1. Prepare the night before

      • Talk briefly about where they’ll be going and who will care for them. Keep it upbeat.

      • Pack their bag together so they feel involved.

   2. Keep mornings calm

      • Avoid rushing – toddlers sense stress.

      • Use a consistent breakfast and dressing routine.

   3. Do a quick, warm goodbye

      • Establish a “ritual”: e.g., hug, kiss, high-five, wave at the door.

      • Keep it under 30 seconds—lingering increases distress.

   4. Leave with confidence

      • Smile, use a cheerful tone: “Have fun! I’ll be back after story time!”

      • Avoid sneaking out—it erodes trust.

        
        

2. Bedtime separations

   Goal: Help them feel secure enough to fall asleep without you right there.

   Step-by-step:

   1. Wind-down routine

      • Same order every night (e.g., bath → pyjamas → book → cuddle).

      • Use dim lighting and soft voices.

   2. Comfort item

      • A favourite blanket, stuffed animal, or nightlight can act as a “stand-in” for your presence.

   3. Gradual retreat

      • Sit beside their bed until they’re calm, then move further away each night until you can leave before they fall asleep.

   4. Reassuring phrase

      • Use the same words each night: “I’ll check on you in a little while.”

      • Follow through—pop in briefly after 5–10 minutes.

        
        

3. Sudden separations (unexpected errands, appointments)

   Goal: Minimize anxiety when there’s little preparation time.

   Step-by-step:

   1. Simple explanation

      • “I need to go to the shop. Auntie will play with you until I get back.”

   2. Quick goodbye ritual

      • Even if rushed, keep the same short routine.

   3. Reunite warmly

      • Greet with enthusiasm, mention something positive the caregiver told you about their time.

Extra tips for all situations

• Name emotions: “You feel sad when I leave. That’s okay. I’ll be back.”

• Practice “peek-a-boo” style games – builds trust in “coming back.”

• Use a picture of you – toddlers may find comfort holding or seeing it.

• Avoid guilt talk – Instead of “Don’t cry,” try “I know you can do this.”